BREAKING NEWS: Steve Bell Exposed as Lip-Syncing Fraud

WINNIPEG (CP): Manitoba journalist John Shorthurst has just discovered that two-time Juno Award-winner and recent King Charles III medal recipient Steve Bell, OM, MC, has never sung a note in public in his life.

Instead, long-time manager and producer Dave Zeglinski has been revealed as the real prodigy: both playing Bell's signature finger-picked guitar and supplying most of his glimmering vocals.

"Look," Zeglinski told Shorthurst for the Winnipeg Free Press, "we never meant any harm. I have always had the talent, but Steve had the boyish good looks. And when we saw what Milli Vanilli could do, we looked at each other and realized we could pull it off."

Multiple Dove Award-winner Carolyn Arends was brought in for certain high parts. "No actual male, short of a castrato, can sing that high, that well," Zeglinksi said with a laugh. "Carolyn has a relatively low voice for a woman, so it worked perfectly. Plus she can also play a pretty good guitar, so sometimes we just dubbed in her strumming also."

Bell himself just flashed his winning smile. "Hey, it was all done right in front of people. I mean, have you ever seen me perform anywhere without Dave? Even house concerts? No! People just wanted to think that someone this good-looking could also sing that well. But Taylor Swifts just don't come along that often. So we gave the people what they wanted. What's the big deal?"

When asked how Bell managed to fool people into thinking he was not only singing but playing, he grinned again. "You'll notice we always use our own gear: for lighting, not just for sound. We have a powerful holographic projection unit that flashes video onto my hands as I hold the guitar that makes it look like I really can play that fast. But of course I can't. I have to put a sticker on each of my guitars to remind me which side is up!"

At press time it wasn't clear if a giant class-action suit of aggrieved Bell fans would be asking for their money back. Bell smiled again, however, and it seemed very unlikely.

He is, after all, impossibly cute.